Pagosa Springs News Summaries Tuesday, September 7, 2010 Local News - Opinions & Editorials - Business & Real Estate - Neighbors & Families - Arts & Entertainment - Sports & Recreation - Humor, Fiction, Poetry - Health & Environment - Religion & Philosophy  HUMOR: Adventures in Chemistry Louis Cannon | 6/15/10 Back to the News Summaries From: Julie G <julieg@gmail.com> Date: Mon, Jun 7, 2010 at 10:39 AM Subject: Dinner To: Louis Cannon <louis@pagosadailypost.com> Hi Louis I had a great time at the Old Country Steakhouse last night (in spite of the potatoes).  I’m still chuckling at your joke about the farmer and the chicken.  I never told you, but I was raised on a chicken farm, and honestly, the farmer could have been my own father!  I also never told you, that I think there was some kind of chemistry going on last night — and I don’t mean the chemical reaction that happens when alcohol meets the bloodstream.  Did you feel it too?  Or was it “Just My ‘Magination”? From: Louis Cannon <louis@pagosadailypost.com> Date: Mon, Jun 7, 2010 at 2:33 PM RE: Dinner To: Julie G <julieg@gmail.com> Hi Julie Thanks for the note.  I’m glad you enjoyed the dinner.  In regards to “chemistry”, there’s a famous quote from one of my favorite sports celebrities, Dennis Rodman: “Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is ten, or something.” I truly respect Dennis Rodman, but I guess you and I both know there is a lot more to chemistry than a confusing college course — as you are obviously referring to the type of “chemistry” that happens between men and women.  That's the kind of chemistry that eventually leads to the production of sulphurous gases, or maybe even to someone blowing up the laboratory. I got my first chemistry set when I was about 8 years old.  It came in an orange, metal case with a latch, and as I recall, the latch had a place for a padlock.  I think my parents were trying to tell me something. From: Julie G <julieg@gmail.com> Date: Mon, Jun 7, 2010 at 10:45 PM RE: Dinner To: Louis Cannon <louis@pagosadailypost.com> Apparently, from what you said in your email, the type of chemistry that happens between men and women causes you to produce sulphurous gases?  That definitely is an experiment I don’t want to get involved in! Since I didn’t notice any embarrassing odors during our fun and witty and delicious dinner, I guess I can conclude that there was no chemistry there of the male-female type — but plenty of the alcohol-meets-the-bloodstream type.  It’s a good thing the Stinkwater (no pun intended) Springs cops didn’t stop us on the way home to get the exact chemical analysis of our blood alcohol! Although, an overnight at the local jail might have been a continuation of the party.  Maybe we should try that experiment? Julie From: Louis Cannon <louis@pagosadailypost.com> Date: Tue, Jun 8, 2010 at 8:33 AM RE: Dinner To: Julie G <julieg@gmail.com> Hi Julie, As I was hinting by my comment about the padlock on my first chemistry set, chemistry experiments can be dangerous.  So "no go" on the overnight at the jail. By the way, I was researching a recent article about seafood (I was dreaming of a real seafood restaurant opening someday here in Stinkwater), and I came across an interesting bit of information about blue crabs. Some researchers at the University of Illinois at Chicago discovered a chemical compound in male blue crabs that is not present in females, the first time in any species that an entire enzyme system has been found to be activated in only one sex. The research was performed using nuclear magnetic resonance. I guess we all run across “blue crabs” — on both sides of the sexual divide.  But this research has got me thinking: could men and woman have different chemical properties? And maybe we simply haven’t subjected ourselves to enough nuclear magnetic resonance yet? What if, deep down under the surface, men and women are chemically different — like oil and water?  What if, deep down inside, we don’t chemically mix? For all we know, men and women could be salad dressing. From: Julie G <julieg@gmail.com> Date: Tue, Jun 8, 2010 at 2:45 PM RE: Dinner To: Louis Cannon <louis@pagosadailypost.com> Hi Louis, Did I mention that my father’s chicken farm was on the eastern shore of the Chesapeake Bay?  So my saliva glands went into overtime when you started talking about the chemistry of male blue crabs.   I am an expert on male blue crabs, and I rather enjoy the chemistry I have with them. --First, you catch them in a trap that is just like the Hotel California. --Then you stab an ice pick into their brains.  This humanely shorts out their brains, although the rest of the male blue crab is still flailing. --Then you throw them into a big pot of boiling water, where they get real steamed, and turn real red.  When you can’t hear them kicking anymore, they’re probably cooked. --Then, you dump the bunch of them on a platter, and sprinkle them all over with Old Bay Seasoning.  --Finally, you sit down and enjoy them slowly, one male now-red blue crab at a time. --You tear off their claws, and pound them with wood mallet and use a metal pick to extract every bit of claw meat that you can, Dracula-like. --Then you open up their chest and pull out all of their entrails, including their cold little heart, and enjoy the extracted sweet, delicious white meat, once again Dracula-like. And I would say that male-female chemistry is going strong, because I sure do love feasting on those male blue crabs! I do think you may be on to something when you say that men and women could be salad dressing.  Oil and vinegar are not nearly as good as stand-alone condiments as they are when they are mixed together.  When mixed together, they still retain their separate properties, but nonetheless, the salad dressing is oil and vinegar, not oil or vinegar. The caveat though, is that if the oil and vinegar have been left on the cupboard shelf for years, it’s possible that the oil has become rancid, and the vinegar too bitter.  So it’s best to check the expiration dates, and work only with oil and vinegar whose shelf-lives have not yet expired. Looking forward to our seafood and salad dinner date! Julie Visit the Pagosa Daily Post

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